The Scottish football narrative plunged to new depths this week with the Alfredo Morelos Lamborghini-tampering story.
Some of those who are employed to report the news, decided instead to embark on other recognised forms of narrative, namely fantasy (a story about characters that may not be realistic and about events that could not really happen) and tell-tale (a humorous story that tells about impossible happenings, exaggerating the hero’s accomplishments).
Meanwhile, ex-Celts John Hartson and Chris Sutton were targeted and accused of being the main protagonists in whipping up fans into a murderous frenzy.
The desperation in attempting to paint Morelos as the victim has been nothing short of absurd.
The facts of what had gone on with Morelos and his motor reluctantly rose to the surface within days, which left the Scottish football riddlers searching for their next preposterous tale…Listen to the latest episode of the award-winning A Celtic State of Mind
So what was the phantom brake botherer actually doing lying down next to Morelos’ £100,000 luxury sports car?
Once the facts were checked (after the Buffalo had bolted) it turned out to be a private investigator, employed by the pregnant wife of Morelos.
Investigation firms hire ex-cops and forces personnel on a self-employed basis to utilise their skills in foot and mobile surveillance; vehicle tracker deployment and retrieval; report-writing and photograph / DVD editing; and the submission of reports and photographs.
The vast majority of the £15-an-hour jobs are on private surveillance (unfaithful partners), commercial surveillance and tracker deployment and retrievals.
Whoever took the Buffalo Assignment made the schoolboy error of attempting to deploy a vehicle tracker without the added protection of working under the cloak of darkness.
So no one was aiming to harm Alfredo Morelos; there is no agenda to drive him out of Glasgow. He was simply caught out by his wife for apparently living a lie, and this perpetuated even more sinister lies in order to protect Rangers’ unwanted asset.
John Hartson, who came in for a tidal wave of criticism for incorrectly stating that Morelos gave the Motherwell fans the middle finger earlier this season, gracefully apologied for getting it wrong. Will Big John be offered any apologies for being accused of feeding the fictitious Alfredo Morelos witch-hunt?
The chances are as slim as the space between the base of a Lamborghini and the tarmac.
Paul John DykesWatch Kevin McKenna with A Celtic State of Mind