Why don’t we cut through the mediocrity, mic refs up and make Scottish football transparent?

We have stumbled into the year 2024, but those stuck in the year 1690 still believe that the SFA owe them a living.

The fallout from the latest Glasgow Derby has resulted in those with jelly brains agreeing with what we’ve been saying for decades – That refs in Scotland are, at best, useless or, at worst, utterly corrupt.

The Rangers fans suffering a near-fortnight-long meltdown don’t realise that they are now in agreement with what we’ve said all along, but they just stamp their feet and demand audio. Mistakes shouldn’t happen to them as they have the granite stone inscribed by a dead goat’s skull that says the refs in Scotland will always work for and not against them.

With Rangers demanding the VAR audio, it led me to think of other audio I would like to listen into, just for my own entertainment…

• The conversation that resulted in a penalty being awarded when Matt O’Reilly handled the ball outside the box against Ross County back in November 2022;
• The conflab that decided Meada should be sent off against Atlético Madrid in the Champions League this season;
• The verbal interaction that covered Connor Goldson’s hand-ball at Ibrox last January;
• The dialogue that decided Jack Butland should not be penalised for clearing out an Aberdeen attacker in the League Cup final;
• The discussion that took place to convince Baldemort to drink from the Loving Cup;
• The chat that resulted in The Stone Roses breaking up AGAIN!

I want refs mic’d up. We now have VAR, so let’s go all the way and look at other sports that use it. Let the refs explain decisions to those punters in the stadium and at home. It won’t happen, but why? Because of that granite stone inscribed by a dead goat’s skull.

When you are influenced, you need to be smart and discreet. Juventus got caught because they became lax when trying to hide what they were up to. The suits looking to carry on the traditions now are not smart or discrete enough.

See the penalty that was awarded to Kilmarnock at Ibrox last week? It merely served to ensure that no world records were broken, which would have naturally shone more light on what has undoubtedly been a pattern of assistance.

The moment that pattern goes haywire and Rangers fail to receive their obligatory penalty, as was the case against Celtic, we are told that it is all down to the pesky Pope and his spellbindingly influential visit to Glasgow in 1982.

Joking aside, when I saw the hand-ball incident involving Alistair Johnston, I did think it was a penalty. I was surprised that it didn’t go to VAR. I think that was a procedural mistake, but it would have been ruled out anyway because of the clear and obvious error in offside not being called. Whether VAR should go that far back in the passage of play is another argument altogether, though.

The game against Rangers was poor. Admittedly, the fact that I agree with Simon Jordan on that assertion brings a small bit of sick into my mouth. I watched the match with a Rangers fan and a St Johnstone supporter. We all agreed that Scottish football is in a mediocre place where the old boys’ network of coaches and prehistoric tactics – all being praised by our below-par media lackeys –  is harming the game.

It’s time to call it out for what it is.

Amidst all the furore, there is a feeling that Celtic have turned a corner with four victories before the winter break. I’m not on that train whatsoever. We have done what is expected of us in those four games, as enjoyable as the run of victories were. The reason that it feels so good is that we have been uninspiring all season.

There is also a suggestion that we have returned to Ange’s style. I’m sure Brendan loves that take, but I don’t see it.

We have lost the League Cup, we are out of Europe, and we have been a painful watch for most of the season. We have a bloated squad and have become stale in many areas. That all needs to change.

Four wins doesn’t change that. Will the transfer window? Well, the noise from the manager would suggest that we shouldn’t be excited about that either, and we should only expect “one and two” new faces.

As they say, it’s the hope that keeps you coming back.

Kevin Graham