SAUDI BILLIONAIRE CONFIRMS I’M BUYING RANGERS “CELTIC ARE TOAST”
- BY LIAM CARRIGAN
- Apr 1
- 2 min read
Yes, the news we’ve all been dreading is finally here.
It seems after years of mockery, The Rangers are indeed coming, for Celtic, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
In a move that stunned markets worldwide, his Highness Sheik Al Fil Poro, Saudi billionaire, tycoon and international businessman proclaimed: “I’m doing it! I don’t care what they say. 300 million is a bargain. Rangers are the team for me, we are the people!”
Floral Poi Owner Confirms Rangers Purchase, Puts Celtic On Notice
The Middle-Eastern money magnate, who made his fortune thanks to his perfume business: Floral Poi, made his purchase public earlier today.
In a statement to the London Stock Exchange this morning, a representative of Floral Poi announced the sudden takeover.
Alf Pirolo, Chief Executive of international operations at Floral Poi, said: “Yes, this is definitely not a joke.
The money is real. Myself and my assistant Aprill Foo will soon take our places as directors of Rangers.
The Sheik and his team were not slow to get things underway with their Ibrox Revolution.
They also announced plans for a new sponsorship deal with ITC Productions, owners of the popular kids TV show Thunderbirds.
The deal will see Rangers’ home of Ibrox Stadium renamed the International Rescue Arena.
New shirt deals are also in the works for the Ibrox giants.
Popular sportswear firm O’Neills will manufacture the new jerseys, designed using their revolutionary Pro Fiallo technology.
Early Reports also suggest that Guinness, Aer Lingus and The Holy See are all early frontrunners keen to sign sponsorship deals with the new owners.
Keith Jackson of the Daily Record was unavailable for comment. A spokesperson for the paper said. "I've not seen him all day."
The sportswriter was last seen staggering towards a pub in Govan slurring the words "See, I told Yeez it was happening!"
However, it wasn't all good news for Jackson and the rest of the Ibrox loyal fans.
Sheik Al Fil Poro poured cold water on rumors Rangers may release a Green and White away kit in honor of the clubs new Saudi ownership.
“Do you really think we’d do something that daft on April 1st!” was his response.
